FIVE SIMPLE WAYS TO HELP SOMEONE WHO’S HURTING THROUGH GRIEF

A good friend and one of my critique partners recently wrote about missing her mom.* My brother facing challenges with his teenage daughter, was also longing for our mother. She’s now gone twelve years and I still miss her. It made me reflect on what helped me through one of the most difficult times in my life. My mom was my best friend. 

I share these simple ideas so you can bring comfort to those who are grieving and show you really care.

FIVE SIMPLE WAYS TO HELP SOMEONE WHO’S HURTING THROUGH GRIEF

YOUR PRESCENCE MAKES A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE

If at all possible, try to attend the wake or funeral. Death challenges us all. It’s hard to see an open casket, or feel comfortable with strangers, or knowing what to do or say. But for those grieving, it either honors the deceased or gives tremendous support to the person in mourning. 

Church members drove to support me, even though it was an hour away. I’ll never forget that my work team members flew in to stand by me. It was like a blanket of compassion surrounded me. Our presence at someone’s time of need brings solace and a memory that love was in that room.

JUST LISTENING 

People feel awkward about what to say. But don’t worry about that. Don’t underestimate just sitting with a person, letting them talk to you or cry. Letting them tell you how they feel. Holding their hand, giving them a tissue, or a glass of water… it’s the little things.

IMPORTANCE OF WRITING A SYMPATHY MESSAGE

It’s thoughtful to send a card and it’s always appropriate to say ‘My thoughts and prayers are with you.’ But when you personalize your message, it’s a balm for the soul. If you knew the person, you could say what they meant to you. 

If you don’t know the deceased you can write something the grieving person said about their loved one. “I know you were so close to your mom. Mothers play such an important role in our lives. You honor her in the way you live your life.” Or “I remember a story you told about her when your mom….” 

Even if someone is overwhelmed and they don’t open the card right away, they will appreciate your thoughtfulness when they do. I treasured the ones who wrote personal messages, encircling me with gratitude and appreciation.

STOP BY AND DROP OFF SOMETHING NOURISHING

When you’re grieving, you aren’t thinking about shopping, preparing food or eating, but family members might, especially children. Dropping by and leaving something shows you understand. If you don’t live close by, a grocery store gift certificate that delivers or a basket of fruit will work.

SEND OR GIVE A THOUGHTFUL GIFT 

A small gift such as a framed photo, a candle, a memorial donation, or a gift card for someone to clean the house are all considerate.

If you can’t attend the funeral, send flowers. My mom wanted a closed casket, but the funeral home asks you to view the body to ensure it is your loved one. Before entering, I held my breath to say goodbye to the woman who meant so much to me.

Walking in, beautiful flowers were everywhere. Tears streaming down my face, I approached her casket, “Mom, look at all these flowers.” It helped enormously to accompany me through this painful moment. Church members brought the flowers to shut-ins, further demonstrating my mom’s love of life. 

A person from work sent me an angel wind chime, the emblem read, ‘May the sweet song created by each gentle breeze provide you with comfort and precious memories.’ It still hangs outside my kitchen window where I see it every day. Coming from someone I didn’t expect, made it even more meaningful. 

When someone you love or care about experiences grief and you don’t know what to do, I hope these five simple ways will be a source of ideas for you.

How has someone helped you through grief? Be sure to share your insight in the comments below.

*Desiree writes from her heart. She and our other two critique partners inspire, uplift, and are each other’s writing cheerleaders.

Here is Desiree Future’s post: https://desireefuture.com/2023/02/19/keep-living/