Answered Prayers, but Not the Way you Expected.

One of my favorite songs made famous by Bette Midler is The Rose. It’s this achingly beautiful song about not giving up hope and that love will always win.

This song has a special meaning to me. When marrying Roger, I wanted his two grown children to be part of the wedding and asked if they would take part. They both suggested each would sing a song. My step daughter, Ashley, suggested The Rose. She didn’t know how much I loved that song.

It reminded me of the movie, Hello Dolly (directed by Gene Kelly). Barbara Streisand is looking for a signal from her deceased husband, Ephraim Levi, in order to marry Horace Vandergelder played by Walter Matthau. She is getting worried that he won’t respond in time to proceed.

She feels she can’t commit until she gets some kind of message. “Ephraim, I’m still waiting for a sign.”

And then Horace, who is off camera, tells Dolly that he thinks after they get married, they should paint the shudders green, Ephraim’s favorite color. Then Vandergelder spontaneously repeats a saying of Ephram’s: “Money is like manure. It’s not worth a thing unless it’s spread about, encouraging young things to grow.”

Dolly mouths the words with him and looks up to heaven, thanking Ephraim.

That is how I felt about Ashley’s suggestion. It was the sign I wished for. I had always wanted children, but life until then did not include them. To become a mother, albeit a stepmother at 41, was momentous. The name stepmother always conjures images of Cinderella’s evil stepmother. Didn’t want to be that mother. Marrying into a family that already was grown (Ashley, 19 and Kris, 21) was daunting. Would they accept me? Would they accept us? Would they learn to love me?

I felt it important to ensure them I honored their mother, and I wasn’t by any means trying to step into her role. But what was my role to be? Friend? Their dad’s wife? What? In the beginning, getting to know someone that is now family for only brief visits was a challenge. I fretted about what I said. I reflected on my relationship with my mother. Did she worry like I was? Did I cause her angst? My mother always gave meaningful advice, “Just be yourself.”

As my step kids got older, we could spend more time together, which helped. It’s a more relaxing atmosphere when you make and share meals together. I read, talked with other mothers in a stepfamily situation, and prayed. My role? Simply to love them. Listen, cheer their joys, commiserate with their challenges and hurts. Love them. I know I made mistakes along the way. Fortunately, year after year, we’ve become a genuine family.

I remember the first time Ashley said, “My parents, referring to me and Roger.” I almost cried. I was thrilled to receive Mother’s day cards expressing such tenderness. “And Mary held all these things in her heart.”

The day I held our first and second grandchildren in my arms, I wept tears of gratitude. I am so thankful to say that I have a loving relationship with my step adult children and grandchildren.

The Lord answered my prayers. Not what I expected, but much more than I could’ve dreamed.

When we wonder about unanswered prayers,
“Just remember, in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed, that with the sun’s love
In the spring, becomes the rose.”
Amanda McBroom