What Makes Us Recommit to Our Vows?

My husband and I recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary by returning to the church where we were married. Even though we were only a small group, the planning for the vow renewal service and the dinner reception involved incredible details and organization. Still, something can go awry even with careful planning. The 100-year-old church is beautiful but had no AC and it was 97 degrees. Well, no problem, it had ceiling fans, but alas, we discovered they didn’t work.

I was so caught up in the planning and the concern for our guests over the heat that, for a moment, it distracted me. But when I walked down the aisle arm in arm with my husband, the joy and the gravitas of the ceremony enveloped me. We said the church vows and then our own with handkerchief in hand. Despite the inconvenience, it was a beautiful ceremony, and we felt blessed to be surrounded by the love of dear friends in the room.

One has to think of what other commitments we have made in our lives. How often do we make a serious pledge of love, time, or talent to anyone or anything? To family or friends, to a faith. What is so worthy that we will commit to it? And for how long is that pledge?

One’s word is one’s bond, one’s honor, one’s reputation, and it is not to be taken lightly. But it seems many of us take things rather lightly and never fully commit. Commitments obligate us to do something. We should think carefully about what we pledge.

“Commitment is an act, not a word.” Jean-Paul Sartre.

When we make a commitment, it means through the good and bad times when obstacles, threats, and frustrations get in the way. Now, in an untenable situation, one must reckon with if what we committed to is no longer safe to live our lives.

Perhaps two factors that enable us to keep our commitments are the importance of it and our abilities. Think about what past commitments you have made to a diet, an exercise regime, an educational goal. What did it take to be successful? If it was important to you, you made it. There are many techniques, such as making little goals within a larger one, rewards along the way, and tracking your progress.

“Love is not maximum emotion. Love is of maximum commitment.” Sinclair B. Ferguson.

The other factor is in our abilities. One ability I find vital is a sense of humor, which is a tremendous mechanism to calm the storms. When one can laugh at ourselves and with each other, you can step out of the situation for a moment, which puts whatever the issue was in perspective. It can also help you see another point of view. I am blessed that my husband can make me laugh, even though I may be really mad. His words do just this.

The abilities that come from being best friends implies treating that person with respect, forgiveness, and gratitude. When I’m asked about what makes a good marriage, two things come to mind: marry your best friend and make sure you both have a sense of humor.

What helps you keep your commitments?

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.”  John 15:12.