The Thanksgiving War of the Cranberries
In my first year of marriage, I invited my husband’s family (six people) and my mother to Thanksgiving. My husband and I moved into our new home on October 15th, six weeks before the big day. What was I thinking? The days came alarmingly fast, with us both working, unpacking, and making it a home. I caught my husband talking to his mother. She obviously had asked what she could bring. My husband responded, “Oh, bring your stuffing.” What? I knew from a previous conversation that she put sausage into her stuffing. I wasn’t crazy about that idea as my family tradition was without sausage. After a polite exchange with my husband, I asked him to tell his mother to bring something else. He agreed, and she said she would surprise us.
It was a race to the finish, but when they entered, the table was set, the food in the oven, and munchies and libations were ready. My mom brought a cranberry Jello ring, my mother-in-law offered a large dish of her mother’s recipe of candied cranberry sauce, and I had a cranberry orange zest sauce. I decided to put them all out. After this we called it the War of the Cranberries.
I remember little of that Thanksgiving except that I hadn’t learned to heat the serving dishes beforehand. After all that work, the food was warm but not hot, which is one of my cardinal rules.
My mother-in-law was not with us for many more years, and I regret spending so much time being Martha in the kitchen, worrying about making a good impression instead of being present. And why not have two stuffings or give up your favorite for someone else? Oh, and I found out that I love sausage stuffing!
In that first year of marriage, I lost sight of the lesson this day holds: giving thanks, being with friends and family, and genuinely stopping to recognize the many gifts God has provided us.
Are you cooking for an army? Are you celebrating alone? What will your Thanksgiving table be about? The past volatile year may have brought loved ones at odds. Here are some ideas to keep you sane and allow you to participate fully in the day’s meaning.
Yes, it is about celebration, and food is a big part. Why not have people bring their family’s favorite dish so they can enjoy their traditions? You may find you like this new offering more importantly you can enjoy your guests.
If you are with family and friends, prepare a personal prayer beforehand to set the tone for dinner without feeling rushed.
Provide table prompts for everyone to share a story. I’ve found this the best way to get everyone’s attention and how memories are created from the storytelling.
Here are some suggestions:
What are you thankful for?
What is an unusual or funny Thanksgiving story?
My mother-in-law shared that she had prepared the turkey at her parent’s house, and while watching football, their dog came into the kitchen and ate half of it before they could stop him. (They ate from the other side and didn’t tell Roger’s dad.)
What did you do in high school or college that you never told your parents or adult children?
One year, friends joined us, along with their three high schoolers. Their father shared that he was in a Shakespeare play and had to wear green tights, which sent his children howling.
What is one thing you hope to be thankful for next year?
What is your favorite tradition or memory of
Who has been a mentor or influenced you in life, and why?
What historical person would you want to join us at this table and why?
What are you thankful for?
If you plan to be alone, make a video or call appointment with friends or family. If you are able, you may want to volunteer. There are always places serving Thanksgiving meals that would appreciate your help. One year, my mother and brother came to visit me in San Francisco during the beginning of the AIDS crisis. I worked as a caterer, and our company offered a free Thanksgiving dinner to those suffering from the disease. Several of the attendees had been waiters at our events. I came from around the table and hugged each one, sharing our tears. For my little family, it was the most meaningful Thanksgiving we’ve ever had.
I pray you can be present to share and appreciate all the love and gratitude filling your Thanksgiving experience with joy.
